okay... so i know that this is a total change from what i've been writing and from what i've been feeling lately... but that's beacuse something completely incredible happened.
i don't want to sound like i'm stupid or crazy or something... because i know that a lot of this blog has been me complaining about how much my heart has been hurting for ryan.... but my heart hasn't felt this good.. well i don't ever remember my heart feeling this good.
see.. i was talking to dusty last night.... and i was complaining how matt was trying to hook me up with some friend of his, jeremy... and how i didn't want matt ot do that beacuse i was interested in someone else. this of course sparked dusty's curiousity, and when i wouldn't tell him he told me that he would just have to be sad and wonder, and that i would just have to wonder too, because he wouldn't tell me who he liked. this of course drove me nuts as well... beacuse then i was curious. "curiousity killed the cat but satisfaction brought him back" came up... and he tried to convince me that by giving him the satisfaction of knowing who i was interested in would save a kitty. after we made more jokes about saving the kitty... we decided that if he told me who he liked... that i would tell him. so he told me that he likes me, and i didn't know what to say, because i wasn't really expecting that... because i like him. then he told me that he wanted to tell me the night before, but he didn't and when he came back online i had already left. so after it was out in the open that we liked each other he was like, so where do we go from here? will you go out with me? i guess that's the right question. my response, was yes... i will, definately!
so here i am... a day later... and still completely excited out of my mind. it was so incredible... it's like my heart became so full again, and the pain and bitterness that i had towards ryan were just swept completely away.
it's so amazing how God works... how his timing is always so perfect. i had been struggling with relationship stuff for a long time... and i kept trying different things to fix it... but nothing ever worked. i knew that in order for anything to be fixed, i had to let God take the wheel and take control of my heart completely. i struggled with this a lot and caused myself more pain then before. eventually, i broke down, and i gave it over to God, let him deal with my heart, because he knows better than i ever will what i need in my life. well... it wasn't very long after... few days, maybe a week... and then i talk to dusty about it... and no we are together. it almost makes me wish that i let God handle it a long time before... but then it just wouldn't have been the right time.
i can't describe how happy i am right now. it's so out of my character that i am this happy... but i love the way it feels.
i can see it in my eyes... the deep pain and hurt you could see in my eyes has been replaced with a sparkle of happiness... i really hope this lasts.
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