A New Year

so... i was hoping this being a new year and all... that it would be better... so far.... i am wrong. and it's only 2 days in so far.
well... tomorrow is going to suck.... it will be exactly a year tomorrow since a good friend of mine was killed. i miss her a lot... and going back to school on that day... just isn't going to be easy.
lets see.... the guy that i've been in love with for like... 2 and a half to 3 years... i was planning on telling him this year... and then i found out that a friend of mine i likes someone... and the way she talks about him all the time... i'm pretty sure that we both like the same person. blah. i don't know what to do. as if the whole thing wasn't hard enough for me... but then this other girl gets thrown into the mix too. i mean... i've loved him a long time... shouldn't i be the one to get the chance to do something about it first?.... but she seems happy liking him... and she deserves to be happy too.... i mean... what makes me more worthy of being happy? blah. i just want to be happy... and i dunno... i'm tired of waiting for happiness.. and for him.... i don't want to be lonely anymore. i mean... i also don't want to mess things up... he's my best and closest friend.
why oh why does everything have to be so complicated?